From the end of March 2003 until September at RIC, I did not step on a wrestling mat. It was the longest layoff of my career and the only year I did not compete in the offseason. I was not motivated, and as a result, my development as a wrestler stopped.
My first year as a collegiate athlete was a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I truly wanted to wrestle, and I dreaded the thought on other days. I learned that it is impossible to accomplish incredible feats when you have no goal. Coach Jones would shout in practice, “Who wants to be a New England champ? Then work hard like one.” I would think to myself, “Not me; I want to be a New Jersey state champion.”
I was recruited to be a 133-pounder, though the scales never saw that number with me on them. Even with the extra eight pounds, I battled my weight the whole season. I would be nine to ten pounds over a day before each match. While our other 141-pounder, Luke Emmons (@lukeduke_emmoms), was making the weight, he would often be even heavier than me before a match day. Selfishly, that always made me feel better. Misery certainly likes company.
Making weight was more difficult than it had to be because I was still doing stupid things. I was sucking out water instead of shedding fat, which is precisely what I advise not to do, and it hurt me in the long run. On top of that, a college wrestling season is one and a half months longer than its high school counterpart. That meant my body had to deal with the extra strain I was needlessly putting on it for a greater period.
The first month of college wrestling practice felt like the longest of my life. When the season got underway, and I felt miserable, I learned a valuable lesson during a conversation with our assistant coach, Bob Smith. The topic turned to my parents worrying about how much weight I had to cut. Coach Smith asked me, “Well, why do they know? What I mean is, why are you really telling them?” While I do not remember my response, his next question was, “Can they run the pounds off for you?” That wise old man made me understand that I only told my parents about the weight cut to get some sympathy. I grew up a little after that brief dialogue, and in the years that followed, I shared the wisdom I gained with other wrestlers.
My teammates taught me things as well. Whether they intended to or not is a different story. The good times I lacked in wrestling freshman year were alleviated by the friends I made on the team. The guy who sticks most in my mind was Justin Deveau, the big brother of RIC wrestling. He was our captain of captains, leader, and most valuable wrestler. My freshman year would have undoubtedly turned out better if I had only followed his example.
At the New England duals, our team faced off against Johnson and Wales University (J-Wu). I ended up wrestling my old high school teammate, workout partner, and friend, Anthony Montes. J-Wu crushed us, 34-9, with Montes downing me, 5-3. It felt very odd to wrestle him. At that time, I was still closer to Montes than anyone on the RIC team. In my head, it was a match I was supposed to lose. He was Montes, and I was always going to be in his shadow. After the loss, Coach Smith flatly told me, “You gave him too much respect.” I believed Coach Smith and turned those words into the great equalizer: confidence.
We had a rematch with J-Wu two weeks later for the league title. J-Wu bumped up the same guys, and Montes and I found ourselves again across from each other. This time, with Coach Smith’s words fresh in my mind, I kept telling myself over the packed gym and screaming fans, “You can do this. You’re just as good as him.” Towards the end of an action-packed scoreless first period, Montes took a shot that I knew was coming. I countered by trapping him in a front headlock. Instead of going for a move, he was sure to see, I went for a cement mixer that I rarely ever used and threw him to his back. He rolled through to his stomach surrendering only two points for the takedown. At the end of the first, I was up by two. The two-point lead remained unchanged when we both escaped from the bottom position to earn one point each in the second and third periods, respectively. However, I had stayed in the top position for a longer amount of time and was only seconds away from eclipsing the one-minute mark of riding advantage. If that happened, I earned an extra point. Knowing this and wanting to salt the match away, I shot in. I captured Montes’s leg and took him down to go up by four with a few seconds left. The remaining time in the match was enough to earn me the riding point, and I won by a final of 6-1.
Our team upset J-Wu, 21-20, to win the match and the Pilgrim League Championship. Eric Martell (@emartell25) made one of the most amazing throws I have ever seen to secure the win at 184 pounds. I was elated. It was my first happy moment in wrestling in a long time. In fairness to Montes, he gave up eight pounds to me. That is always a tall order to fill. Montes and I never wrestled one another again. The contest remains my all-time favorite dual match in high school or college.
At the 2004 New England College Conference Wrestling Association (NECCWA, now the easier on the tongue, New England Wrestling Association, NEWA) Championships, I was pinned for the only time in my college career. I distinctly remember a point in the match against Mike Gaeta when I gave up, as do all wrestlers who wind up getting pinned. Following the match, I thought to myself, “He wanted it more, and it showed big time.” Gaeta ended up placing fifth at the NCAA Division III championships after winning the New England national qualifier. He would also place the next three years to become one of the rare breeds that four-time All-Americans are.
At the end of my freshman season, I was preparing to walk away from the sport for the second time in my life. This time, instead of a broken arm, a fifth-place finish at the national qualifier ushered me out. Because I could not motivate myself, I had decided to transfer. Lacking a goal, I did not want to disgrace myself, my school, and the sport.
Here are excerpts from my freshman year recap. Notice the negativity running throughout.
RIC Wrestling 2003-2004 Season [Freshman (and only) Year]
Record= 22-9
…11/22/03: Springfield Tournament- I did not wrestle, I hurt my elbow last weekend and didn’t want to attend and be embarrassed. Also, my weight was and still is extremely high, so I didn’t feel like cutting down. Our team placed top 10 without 6 of our starting 10 guys, which shows our depth. I’m seriously at a crossroads. I felt bad for not wrestling today, and I think I could have won. I really do not know what I want. On the car ride over, I was telling myself I want to win New England’s and place in the nation. That would be extremely cool, to be able to call myself an All-American 20 years from now. It is going to take a lot of hard work, and I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if I can motivate myself. It is already late, but I’m going to stop being a baby and give it everything I got one more time.
12/6/03: RIT Tournament- I didn’t place. I’m still an unmotivated bastard who can’t stop eating, I definitely should be at least a 133-pound wrestler too bad I don’t care enough.
12/11/03: Plymouth State- I pinned him in the 2nd, but I was losing 8-5 at the time. I was wrestling like garbage, too slow, and couldn’t move. I have to lose weight the right way. Anyway, I was losing, when the kid took a bad shot, I caught and pinned him. The place went nuts, it was cool. I’m now 8-3 and done with wrestling until Jan. 4. Team is 1-0.
12/29-30: Citrus Invitational: I’m not going to Florida over Christmas break. I’ll be home wrestling with my high school team and eating some good food.
1/04/04: Simpson (Iowa), Williams, Norwich: I lost to the damn Simpson kid 7-6 cause I blow and can’t stall. With 20 seconds left, got taken down to lose. Didn’t wrestle well against the Williams kid but still won, and I beat Conklin from Norwich pretty good, he was ranked 4th in New England, and I’m ranked 2nd. Somehow he was ranked 8th in the country…not anymore. So I kept my ranking at least. I beat Foresi, who was ranked 6th in the country, and Conklin, who was ranked 8th. I bet I could win this whole thing if I cared, but I don’t, and I won’t. Team barely beat Williams, got killed by the Iowa team, and Lost 20-13 to Norwich.
…1/21/04: WPI: I won 20-7. Team lost 25-19 to the 28th ranked team in the country. We could have won, but oh well. A month from today, the season is over, haha yeah.
2/14/04: I bumped up to 149 to wrestle some Bridgewater kid. I won 10-4 because I got reversed with 10 seconds left, but whatever, it’s alright, a win is a win. If this is my last year, that was the last dual match of my career.
New England’s- Placed 5th, Pinned some kid 1st, then beat Bucco from Norwich, then lost to Fierro-Fine 5-4, then got killed by Gaeta, he just kept putting me to my back, then beat the WPI kid 7-4 for 5th. It was the last match of my life; I am pretty sure. Thanks, WRESTLING.
What You Can Take Away from Chapter 4:
Looking for sympathy will get you nowhere.
You can reverse negative outcomes to your favor in a very short time.
One step back may be the only way forward.